so here i am..

staring at my laptop at exactly 4am, when i have a lab class later today at 9.30am.. oh wait.. it's 4.54am already! ~__~"

sigh too many stuff to write.. but no time..

boing boing boing~

school sucks SCHOOL SUCKS school sucks SCHOOL SUCKS school sucks SCHOOL SUCKS school sucks SCHOOL SUCKS school sucks SCHOOL SUCKS school sucks SCHOOL SUCKS school sucks SCHOOL SUCKS school sucks SCHOOL SUCKS school sucks SCHOOL SUCKS school sucks SCHOOL SUCKS school sucks SCHOOL SUCKS school sucks SCHOOL SUCKS school sucks SCHOOL SUCKS school sucks SCHOOL SUCKS school sucks SCHOOL SUCKS school sucks SCHOOL SUCKS school sucks SCHOOL SUCKS school sucks SCHOOL SUCKS school sucks SCHOOL SUCKS school sucks SCHOOL SUCKS school sucks SCHOOL SUCKS school sucks SCHOOL SUCKS school sucks SCHOOL SUCKS school sucks SCHOOL SUCKS

and all i look forward to.. is you :)

I can't believe that someone can stoop so low, resorting to threatening to ruin my reputation using Facebook. Throughout this whole period, never had I shed a single tear; it just seemed like it had all been used up throughout the years. You asked me, "What does he have that I don't?", well, i can tell you this: I am happier with him, and yes you might put him down with your demeaning words such as "He's still a student, but I'm a working adult" blablabla, but do you really think that money is the answer to everything?

Have you ever thought about the hurt and sorrow I went through when I discovered your affair with Pricillia? You just broke up with me, without any explanation, when i begged you not to leave, you showed no emotions. When I asked you, "Is there someoneone new?", you looked at me with those blank eyes, and I just knew there was someone else. That was the darkest period in my life; I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't think. And where were you? I was like a walking zombie, but you were out there; clubbing, having fun? Two weeks later, you come back and asked me out and pretended nothing ever happened. You told me you only went out for dinner with her and I believed you! I foolishly believed you because I loved you! But as the weeks and months go by, I found out more and more about you; and I felt like I don't know you anymore. A dinner only to comfort her because she just broke up; it turns out more than that. There were the movies you watched with her, the outings with her to East Coast Park, the chocolates you bought her (remember you telling her that chocolates are aphrodisiacs? just the thought of that makes my stomach turn), and you fetching her from work? You telling your friend about her "smooth chocolate skin" and how you "wish I could bring her home" and how hot she is (but the thing is, I think she's not hot at all lol)? And the worst thing that you could ever do to me is, you were still in contact with her after we reconciled. And then the other girl at Attica? What was her name again? Oh and what about those chats on mIRC? Chatting up girls to meet up and possibly do naughty things (though you told me you never did met up with them)?

With every bit of information, bits and pieces of me died. There I was, thinking that, "This is it, this is Mr Right", and me being so naive, thinking that it will be for a lifetime. But I stayed on, thinking that it will all work out, thinking that it is just a one-off incident, thinking that it was my fault that you strayed. I learnt how to put on makeup, how to dress well, became more vain, just to capture your attention. Somewhere along the way, I just became jaded. But I stayed on, partly due to familiarity and also the fact that I owed you far too much and staying by your side was the only way I could repay you. As the days went by, I became more and more lifeless; I was just living a lie, and I felt that I was playing with your feelings as well.

And he came along. He unknowingly made my heart flutter, and as wrong as it sounds, I felt that this is the right time to let go. To you, I'm just a heartless bitch who left you because I've found a replacement. I know it is not done in good taste; that it reflects very badly on myself. But I am sick of living to other peoples' expectations and what others think is right or wrong. Let me do this once for myself, let me be selfish once.

:)

all i can say is i was enchanted to meet you..

and im a happier girl after being with you.

hi dear blog of mine..

many things have happened since i sort of went bonkers a week ago.. but i think im in love.. it's kind of weird since i feel more "in love" with this guy than with my first love.. maybe it's cos i've sort of..mellowed down alot..matured alot too.. because i dont think he would like the old me.. plus i've sort of..not expect too much from someone.. it's more like "in the moment" kind of feeling.. like im just enjoying the moments that we have now.. let's see how it goes :)

mad world

i guess im just sick of being the "me" that everyone else expects me to be.. i think ive made it to where my family expects me to be.. living comfortably without spending a penny of their money while getting my degree.. and my holidays consist of me going back to help out.. and i wonder why should i still be in a relationship where the feelings that i used to have are already gone.. or maybe it wasnt really there at all in the first place.. i can live a life, be a "me" that lives up to other people's expectations; but love shouldn't be mediocre! i shouldn't be telling people that "it's ok lah" and "like that loh" when people ask me about my love life. maybe this is just a phase; a temporary madness. but i really feel like going out and getting my world turned upside down instead of just slogging away the hours and still remain in a relationship because of familiarity. and maybe by doing this, i might just be able to fill the void created when you left.

consumer bodies..

had my Sociology lecture today which was about consumerism and individuality.. felt enlightened.. it's true that nowadays we spend so much on material things to be "displayed" on our bodies to express our individuality.. and consumerism is dominating our lives more and more..

Here I was again tonight forcing laughter, faking smiles
Same old tired, lonely place
Walls of insincerity
Shifiting eyes and vancancy vanished when I saw your face
All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you

Your eyes whispered "have we met?"
Across the room your silhouette starts to make it's way to me
The playful conversation starts
Counter all your quick remarks like passing notes in secrecy
And it was enchanting to meet you
All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

The lingering question kept me up
2am, who do you love?
I wonder till I'm wide awake
Now I'm pacing back and forth, wishing you were at my door
I'd open up and you would say,
It was enchanted to meet you
All I know is I was enchanted to meet you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go

I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

This is me praying that this was the very first page
Not where the story line ends
My thoughts will echo your name until I see you again
These are the words I held back as I was leaving too soon
I was enchanted to meet you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you

hmm..

it feels warm and fuzzy inside when he said that he wants to take care of me cos i seem so blur most of the time.

but the thing is, am i leading myself into the darkside again?

tsk tsk tsk

sometimes i wonder.. people who have never contacted you (whether in real life or online) for years; one day they just start to chat with you out of the blue, and that's cause they have something to ask of you.

humans, aren't you predictable?

End of Week 1 Sem 2..

and I'm still the same me (still in holiday mood lalala).. I have a feeling that this sem will be a tough one.. just looking at the math notes makes me go @_@..

dunno how to continue~~~ hahaha tata! XD

World War 2!

*ahem*...i meant.. Sem War 2! Semester 2 is starting next week! Enough of fooling around and gotta get my eyes off the laptop and on to books and lots of books. So results came out.. And I'm stunned. I expected farrrrrrrr lousier grades but i was a lil disappointed as well when i saw my grades. Contradicting, no? It's a mix of "OMG I'M SO LUCKY! i get to retain my scholarship and not get my $$$ terminated" and "aww man I could've done better" sort of thing. Just between you and me, i feel a bit "syok sendiri" cos my GPA is considered very good for a poly student (i even beat some JC's asses yo!) but of course there are those who got a perfect 5.0 score and another class of geniuses who aren't even in the GPA system cos they are so smart they are taking completely different modules.. Not that I'm so obsessed with grades..I'm just happy $$$ is going to keep rolling in..for another semester.. That means I could splurge a lil, and get THE nifty-fifty lens..(it's called the nifty-fifty but it costs SGD120 at the cheapest shop that i could find, damn you!) BUT THEN AGAIN, I feel like getting the f1.4 one (which probably will cost me an arm and a leg T_T) , poisonnnnnnn!!!

So I went to Japan and DAMN i regret not getting that kate spade wallet! and that coach handbag/sling bag! I was worried i would have no more $$$ so i was living like a miser in Japan boohoohoo! I didn't buy anything >1000 yen (except for that agnes b wallet, and that shirt that had no pricetag which costs 4700 yen when i went to the counter to pay!!! i wanted to say nah i don't want it already but HAIH it's so pretty and so paiseh to say don't want right???)

What did i buy for myself???

- H&M shirt = 1000yen!

- H&M tee = 500yen!

- Girlish chiffon long sleeve shirt = 900yen!!! (cos it had a minor 1mm stain so it's a "B grade" merchandise and is heavily discounted!!!)

- White chiffon shirt with black polka dot sash = 4700+yen (boohoo)
- Oxford heels = 900+yen!!!! SO CHEAP OMG

- agnes b wallet = 8400yen (so expensive boohoohoo my heart bleeds for my wallet, i mean the old one.. =____=)

- And random snacks which i discovered to expire in 1-2 months time so HOW TO BRING BACK TO MALAYSIA AS SOUVENIR LA HAIH now im stuck with like a mountain of cakes, biscuits, chocolates that expire as early as next week and latest by February zzzzzzzzz.

and for the first time in my life, strawberries were SWEET! Like WTF right, we've been eating sour/tasteless ones for years so i thought that strawberries are supposed to be sour, right right? But nooooo, in Japan, it's so sweet loh! i was like "waaaaaa so nice" and kept eating like some starved child from Africa HAHAHA.

Oh oh! And the sweet potatoes are damn good hor! The purple skin with yellow flesh one! The ones we have in SG and MY are fakes grown in China/Thailand so they don't smell or taste the same! I kept baking them in the oven and kept nom-ing them throughout the trip! I bought 2 big packets back and just ate 1 for breakfast *heavenly bliss*

ok la enough of my random ramblings...time to continue my Family Guy!!!

I'm so glad you made time to see me
How's life, tell me how's your family
I haven't seen them in a while
You've been good, busier then ever
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up and I know why

'Cause the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses and I left them there to die

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to december all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to december, turn around and make it all right and
I go back to december all the time

These days I haven't been sleeping
Staying up playing back myself leaving
When your birthday passed and I didn't call
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side,
Realized I loved you in the fall
And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to december all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to december, turn around and change my own mind and
I go back to december all the time

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night,
The first time you ever saw me cry
Maybe this is wishful thinking
Probably mindless dreaming
If we loved again I swear I'd love you right

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't
So if the chain is on your door, I understand

But this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to december
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mine and
I go back to december, turn around and make it alright and
I go back to december, turn around and change my own mind and
I go back to december all the time

All the time

2011

on the first day of 2011, I:

-went to Batu Caves and walked more than 600 steps (up and down the temple hor!) in my ridiculous Atacomas.

-went to Genting for a breather but ended up kena pickpocket-ed but somehow i got back my phone and a cut/scratch on my hand as a souvenir.

quite eventful huh? i am also quite terrified by the way i behaved =/ i was in a berserk/rage mode and everything around me was like faded out. the experience is quite surreal as the only thing i can focus on is the Thai lady who looks quite pale and shaken.

even when she tried to distract me by pointing to a pile of clothes (insinuating that my phone is in the pile of clothes), i just held on tight and stared into her eyes as i swept the pile of clothes to the floor.

she finally dropped my phone on the floor after i refused to let go and then took the chance to try to get away. she stripped (flashed me with her flat boobies and privates but i didn't see her privates hor!) when she couldn't get away and then the guards wouldn't touch her. WTFx2.

so in the end, i got my phone back, and a scratch (from her nails i guess?) as a souvenir. i didn't pursue further because i respected someone's else's wish (which sort of made me feel a lil disappointed as i believe that these people should be punished accordingly so that in the future they will think twice/won't even have the chance to do it again)

anyway my auntie thinks that the thief is quite pitiful (must be poor or need money that's why do this kinda thing WTF?) but the thing is, she committed a crime. i don't get why is she pitiful? i'm not trying to be selfish, but isn't the victim more pitiful instead had the thief had gotten away with it?

so the bottom line is, i'm a lil disappointed because generally when things happen, the people around you do not act at all, the staff at the shop are total idiots as well (except one lady and another guy who gave chase), the security guards are not giving a flying fuck and the policemen generally don't even really believe you and treat you with skepticism when you try to report a case.

but at least i have a bestie who supported me through the drama. though i guess she must be terrified by me when i was in the berserk/rage mode =______= i'm not like that usually ok!!!